Motivation to Forgive

To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood and made us a kingdom,
priests to his God and Father, to him be glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.
Revelation 1:5-6

If you are looking for motivation to forgive a spouse, a parent, a relative–anyone who’s hurt you deeply–find your place on the scarlet thread of Scripture. See your sins attached there in all their shame and selfishness. Try to fathom the distance His grace has bridged between you and the wrath of God. And with the rush of relief that floods your soul at the sight, realize what you owe to those who deserve forgiveness as little as you do. Follow the thread all the way home to the Father.

Marvel at God’s love and mercy toward you, and ask Him to make His love the source, substance, and measure of your dealings with others.

~Nancy Leigh DeMoss in “The Quiet Place”

To Women Who Feel Guilty About Their Abortions

I have purposely been avoiding most of the press and debate surrounding the Gosnell trial. It’s too painful to think about, let alone watch on tv or read in print. I don’t want to drum up controversy. I’m just thinking about women I know who have had abortions and wondering how they are processing this. I want to offer hope to women who feel a sense of guilt over their abortion. To those women, I would like to say:

I know this must be painful. Reliving your own past, revisiting the circumstances that led to your abortion, telling yourself again and again that you did the right thing at the time for yourself and for your baby. Trying not to think about it too much for fear of the reality of your actions hitting and breaking your heart. Crying into your pillow at night, thinking about how old your baby would be right now, and the times you have missed caring for your own. Coming to the realization that the better life you hoped would result from not bringing a child into this world, is not that much better. Wondering if the better life would have been one in which you joyfully embraced motherhood and allowed family and friends to help you as you finished school and worked long hours. Imagining what it would have been like to hold your baby, cuddle him to sleep, watch her take those first steps, cheer him on in football, encourage her in academics. It must be painful to consider what actually happened in that abortion clinic—to you and to your baby.

My heart breaks for you. My heart longs for you to be free from guilt.

The great news is that God is willing to forgive you of this particular sin, but He is willing and able to forgive you of all your sin-past, present and future. In reality, there are many other sins for which we would stand before the Lord as guilty. Jesus died so that we would not have to pay the penalty that we deserve for our sins. When we repent, meaning turn away from a life of sin, and trust that Christ’s death satisfies God’s anger over our sins, then the Lord clears us from the debt of death we owe God for our sin, and makes us new and holy people.

If you’re already a Christian but struggle with the weight of guilt over your sin, remember what Christ has already done for you. Live in the freedom that He purchased for you. Remember that though your sins were like scarlet, Christ has made you white as snow. Pray on behalf of others who are considering the path you have walked. Pray that they would run the other way and trust in the Lord to care for them and their baby.

May this be your comfort, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter” (2 Corinthians 7:10-11).

You may wonder how you could “prove yourself innocent” when you feel so guilty. Three hundred years ago, a pastor named Matthew Henry offered this clarity and encouragement to you who feel the weight of guilt, and to us who don’t want to hold you in condemnation:

“Not that they were innocent, but that they were penitent, and therefore clear of guilt before God, who would pardon and not punish them; and they ought no longer to be reproved, much less to be reproached, by men, for what they had truly repented of.”

May the Lord give you a heart of repentance, and may He give us a heart to care for you in love.

When Feelings Trump Truth and Peace is Far Off

I know I’m prone to this. I feel a certain way, and I just want to nurse the feeling. My heart is full of feelings, nothing more than feelings. Truth has to wedge its way into my deceptive heart as my feelings masquerade as truth.

We can’t stop with how we feel. Our feelings are not to rule over us. The Word of God is to rule and guide our feelings and actions. One of the most important truths for me to hold on to when my feelings vie for control of my heart is that I have One who is able to sympathize with my weaknesses, yet without sin. So, I need to draw near to the throne of GRACE with CONFIDENCE (not in what I can do, but confidence in what Christ can do through me, and in what He has already done for me) that I may receive mercy and find grace to help in my time of need.

Here’s some feelings that frequently invade my heart and how I’m learning to bring my feelings under the banner of truth.

Feeling Inadequate

We are all inadequate, that’s why we need Christ, depending on Him working in us, not on our own efforts. It’s easy to see my weaknesses and to tell myself that because I’m weak, I can’t ______. The truth is, “when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corin 12:10). Therefore, I must grab hold of the grace of Christ so that His strength might work powerfully in me to accomplish His purposes in my life. My strength runs out the moment I exert it. But Christ’s strength is always available and always enough for every task and every act of service.

Feeling No Peace

Sometimes, I try to apply God’s Word, but I just don’t get that peace that’s supposed to come when I immerse myself in the Word. What’s missing? Why doesn’t the peace of Christ rule in my heart? Peace often eludes me when:

1. I’m anxious, worried or fearful and not taking these things to the Lord in prayer. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6)
2. I’m blinded by ingratitude. Sometimes peace doesn’t come because I’m too focused on what I don’t have and can’t do, rather than being thankful for what I do have and for what the Lord has already done. Again “in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6)
3. I have no desire. I can sulk with the best of ‘em and throw crazy pity parties! If I want attention, approval or pity from others, I can gather up my pet peeve, stroke it, feed it, and cuddle it to rest in my heart. If I want peace instead, then there’s an important imperative that should not be ignored from Colossians 3:15 “let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts”. It’s the little word “let”. This is an act of will. I have to want it. I can allow worry, ingratitude, resentment, and discord to rule in my heart by nursing wounds. Or, I can let the peace of Christ to take rightful rule over my heart, casting its calming shadow of grace over my soul.

Feeling Weary With Works

Too often, I try to apply God’s Word through works rather than rely on the grace of the Lord. I have no strength of my own that is lasting and sufficient. The more I try to earn God’s favor and the favor of others through works, the tighter my rubber band is wound and it’s only a matter of time before it snaps. When I read God’s commands to me–be this, do that, work this way, love them, hate that, I can find myself frazzled and spiraling into a deep dark pit of despair. I KNOW I can’t do those things He commands, be who He wants me to be, love those He calls me to love if it’s left totally up to me. It’s just not in me. I have too much sin blocking my path. Sins of selfishness, entitlement, anger, lying, covetousness, and so on (see Col 3:5-9). But if I’m led by the Spirit, the fruit of the Spirit will be evident in my life (Gal 5:18, 22-23).  I know that I can do/endure/handle all things through Him who strengthens me (Phil 4:13).

Feeling Physical, Emotional or Psychological Strain

Here, I’m thinking of Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, who wrote Spiritual Depression. In it, he proposes some general causes of spiritual depression, which are helpful to think and pray through when I’m struggling spiritually. The 5 causes of spiritual depression that he outlines are excerpted by my husband, Thabiti, in his blog post on Spiritual Depression. They are:

1. “First and foremost I would not hesitate to put–temperament” (p. 14).
2. “Let us pass to the second big cause–physical conditions” (p. 18).
3. “Another frequent cause of spiritual depression is what we may describe as a reaction–a reaction after a blessing, a reaction after some unusual and exceptional experience” (p. 19).
4. “Then we come to the next cause.  In a sense, and in the last analysis, that is the one and only cause of spiritual depression–it is the devil, the adversary of our souls” (p. 19).
5. “Indeed I can put it, finally, like this: the ultimate cause of all spiritual depression is unbelief” (p. 20).

For women, I think we can downplay the role of physical conditions on our spiritual health. We can be so busy caring for everyone else’s needs in our family and friendship networks, that we ignore physical signs that may be indicators to our overall spiritual health. Pay attention to changes in menstrual patterns, excessive weight gain/loss, big mood swings, recurring headaches, nagging discomfort or pain, and so on. When our bodies are not well, it really can affect us spiritually. If we take care of ourselves physically, it can have a positive effect on our spiritual lives.

Each of the above causes could be expanded on at length, so I would encourage you to read this book, gain an honest assessment of which areas typify you when you’re struggling spiritually, and seek the Lord’s aid through prayer and accountability with others in how to combat these issues.

Speak the TRUTH to yourself. Don’t be ruled by emotion. Feelings are nothing more than that, just feelings. Lloyd-Jones would say stop listening to yourself and start speaking the truth to yourself. Our God is good and wise and only does what is good for His people. He delights to do good to us (Jeremiah 32:41) and for us and for His glory. Don’t put words in God’s mouth by speaking lies about God, yourself, or those who have hurt you. The truth is, the Lord has called you to be faithful, to adorn the fruit of the Spirit, to be still and know that He is God, to cast all your cares upon Him, to trust Him, to depend upon Him for everything. What He does call you to do, He gives you the grace to do it, as you work by His strength which works powerfully in you (Col 1:29).

We need to get out of our own heads and start to live out of truth, not our feelings or our hearts. Our hearts are deceptive, and can jump ahead in the battle at any given moment. The war is already won. We just have to stand on the winning side. We’re not alone trying to accomplish His work in and for us. His Spirit is working in us, causing us to live and act according to His purpose, pleasure and will. The peace that too often escapes us comes from spiritual rest, not from human effort (Matt 11:28).

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

Dirty Old Men and the Scars They Leave Behind

I can still smell his smoke-filled, alcohol-infused breath. I can feel the cactus-like prickles of his beard. One kiss was all he took, but it felt like much more was lost. And it was.

Mr. Piggy, as folks called him, was a scruffy old man, but seemingly harmless. He and his wife owned a makeshift dime store-basically they bought bulk candy and sold it from their kitchen to the neighborhood kids.

I remember the day I skipped down the road, pigtails flying, to buy some candy from Mr. Piggy. Usually there was a gang of us bombarding his back door, spending the change we found under seat cushions or had left over from lunch money. But this day I was alone. As I held out the coins to pay for a Mary Jane and some Dum Dums, Mr. Piggy pulled me to himself, smashed my face into his, and not only took the change, but what he called a kiss. As if to offer a bit of hush money, he placed a couple extra pieces of candy into my hands and told me not to tell anyone. I took the candy, and I didn’t tell anyone. Until now.

Mr. Piggy was a dirty old man. He was nasty, lewd, wicked. What he took from me was much more than a kiss from a little girl. He stole something from me–a bit of innocence, a load of trust, a lot of transparency. Years of guilt followed that 30 second exchange. I should have pulled back. I should have told someone. I should not have taken the hush money/candy. Instead of feeling like a victim, I felt like a participant because I said nothing and did nothing, I felt responsible and dirty.

It was through a tender conversation with my husband that the Lord finally freed me from guilt, shame and fear. As I unfolded my story and shared how dirty I felt for what happened, the Lord used him to uncloud my eyes and help me to see the truth. My experience was real. It was painful. It was haunting. It left scars. It was worse than I realized as a 10 year old, but not as bad as it could have been, and for that, I’m grateful. I know many women and young girls have suffered abuse far greater than what I’ve described here, and I by no means am equating my experience with theirs. My heart grieves for those who have suffered and lived in pain and in secret and in bondage to the sins of others.

God is just. I know He will not leave the guilty unpunished (Exod 34:7). I know He will judge the wicked (Ps 73:1-20). I know God is good and just and allows things to happen according to the counsel of His will and purpose, and for the good of those who love Him. I know that I am not guilty. What happened was not my fault. I understand that I was taken advantage of, and I praise God for freeing me from shame and guilt by exposing the evildoer for who he is.

Abuse comes from all ages and genders, to all ages and genders. None of us are immune to the possibility. Many of us are living with its effects, either through personal experience or through the lives of family and friends who have suffered varying degrees and forms of abuse. If you have been a victim of abuse, it’s not too late to tell someone. It’s not too late to get help. It’s not too late for justice to be done, and God promises that justice will be done (Ps 10).

O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted;
you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear
to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed,
so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more.
–Psalm 10:17-18

Cliff Huxtable’s Thanksgiving

I hope your day was better than Cliff’s!

I pray you had a day full of family, food, fellowship, and football!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Friends. How Many of Us Have Them?

I recently had the pleasure of writing an article on friendship for Women of God Magazine. Here’s how it starts:

In the mid-80’s a hip hop group calledWhodini, had a hit song called Friends, where they asked this very question.

Friends. How many of us have them?

Friends. Ones we can depend on

Friends. How many of us have them?

Friends. Before we go any further, let’s be friends!

According to statistics, the average Facebook user has 245 friends. But, are all those we call “friends” today, really our friends? What makes them so? Honestly, I’d say that many of the people on my “friend” list are not those I’d have a particular closeness to, and some are “friends of a friend”. Facebook has helped us out recently. Now we can designate someone as a “close” friend or “acquaintance”, which determines how frequently you receive their news and updates. Even those we call friends, we never really have to hear from because we can hide them. We can even unfriend someone and they’d never know unless they checked their friend list. And with the average friend list of 250, who’s gonna really take the time to do that?

Read the rest of the article at Women of God Magazine. Then browse around the site for more encouraging and helpful articles, book reviews, recipes and more!